After years of sending money to her estranged mother, Kai, Paula learns that Kai is dying of cancer and sends a cryptic message with the return of her last check. Are you surprised by her reaction to the news?
Created: 11/19/16
Replies: 14
Join Date: 10/15/10
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Join Date: 01/25/16
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Paula said she felt nothing, but she described the nothing as swelling black and dense inside of her. As she began to process her mother's note that she was dying of cancer, Paula was angry that she would still feel that she owed her mother a debt, never getting the absolution she desperately desired. Her mother did not want to see her. Paula started to realize that with her mother dead, she would "belong to no one" but her cat. She would have no one. Even though she hadn't spoken to or seen her mother in years, she always knew she was out there, and hoped some day the debt she felt would be absolved. I was very surprised at the powerful reaction Paula had when she got the news about her mother. The panic attack was a visceral response, and shocked Paula. I don't think she realized the enormity of her feelings about her mother until then.
Join Date: 06/23/13
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I was not suprised either. She has mother issues that she put into a jar with the top closed by wires. She was going to snap at one point. Despite her mother's faults, she still loves her. She hates to admit that. It makes her more of a ticking bomb.
Join Date: 07/28/16
Posts: 54
I think that Paula is extremely conflicted and many problems that she has are a direct result of her relationship and separation from her mother. In addition, I feel that Paula wants some kind of closure, and acceptance, before her estranged mother dies.
Join Date: 01/19/13
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Join Date: 03/11/12
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Although children that are in the foster care system often state that they have no feelings or hate for one or both of their biological parents - almost all when they open up about the situation want / miss not having a relationship with their biological parent. Personally witnessing these emotions by children in the foster care system, I was not surprised by Paula's reactions.
Join Date: 08/23/11
Posts: 73
No, I wasn't surprised. She was about to burst with feelings of guilt and love for her mother. I think love for her mother was the most important feeling she had, even though she seemed to have buried it. I think it was just a shock she wasn't prepared for, and still felt snubbed by the note that seemed to say her mother didn't want to see her.
Join Date: 08/29/13
Posts: 102
No I was not surprised. Feelings for your mother or any family member are very complicated. Anyone who says they have no feelings for a family member they grew up with is lying or in deep denial. She may have actually thought she felt nothing but her repressed feelings came out in her panic attacks.
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Join Date: 10/27/15
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I'm not too surprised. I think between the guilt & rejection she felt regarding her mother...she had just decided that it was what it was. I think Paula learned early on that she couldn't control her mothers actions & that as a result she couldn't force her to be part of her life. I think she thought all Kai wanted was her money...and...I think she was right about that. What kind of mother blames her position in life on her child? I think Kai was a toxic person & I think she would've done more harm than good had she been part of Paula's life after she was released from prison.
Join Date: 04/26/15
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Join Date: 07/30/13
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I recently went through this in my life with with my father and my reaction was very similar to Paula's. Toxic or not your parent is still your parent. Even if you think that you've accepted and come to terms with the past, old wounds are opened, things are faced and feelings long buried come to the surface. In my opinion, this is part of where her "panic attacks" came from. The child in you always longs for love and acceptance from your parent, even if the adult in you is aware that they are incapable of giving it.
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